Mediation and the Art of Negotiation
Negotiation is simply a fact of life. Whether you are negotiating with your kids on what they are eating for dinner or whether you’re the Secretary of State negotiating a nuclear arms deal - everyone negotiates something every single day. In its most basic form, it is the means of getting what you want from others. It is a back-and-forth communication designed to reach an agreement when you and the other side have some shared interest in the outcome.
One of the major pitfalls of a marriage that leads to divorce is communication. People are just simply different - they are raised differently, they were taught conflict and communication differently, and identifying and working on one’s character shortcomings is difficult, to say the least. As an added bonus, usually, both parties feel misunderstood and angry or upset.
Personally, I believe that a method of principled negotiation in family law is the best course of practice. I want to help families reach an amicable solution, especially if my client or mediation parties have children, and I want that solution to be fair. My goal is to reach an agreement that meets the legitimate interests of each side to the best extent possible and to resolve the conflicting interests fairly.
In mediation, it is important to remember to refrain from bargaining over your position - think of it as haggling the price of something at a yard sale. You take an extreme position and only make small concessions as necessary to keep the negotiation going, requiring more time and effort. It can turn into a contest of will, each negotiator states what they will or won’t do.
When parties are divorcing, or mediating issues of divorce, arguing over positions has already likely gotten the parties to this point - and if one party feels they would have to bend themselves or cave after taking a rigid stance, they tend to forget to address their own legitimate concerns and interests. Taking a position can become entangled with one’s ego.
The goal in mediation and negotiation is to focus on the interests, not positions. A simplified explanation of this is:
You and another person were fighting over an orange, you both want and need the orange - this is your position. However, you are both then asked why you need the orange - this is your interest. One of you says, “I want to make orange juice” and the other says, “I want to make candied orange peel.”
Interested in speaking with an attorney about negotiation and mediation? Reach out to Langley Law, we are here to assist you with any questions you may have. Contact us!
